Family Friday

For many, family traditions counter alienation & confusion, they help define who we are; they provide something consistent in an ever changing world. It is also said that family “life” can be bitter, operating with no rules so wounds take longer to heal, if at all. I know families have their own characteristics. I am most happy to with my families, given and chosen. They all make me a better person.

As the story a young man had a mom only had one eye. He hated her… she was such an embarrassment. She cooked for students and teachers to support the family. There was this one day during elementary school where mom came to say hello to him. He was so embarrassed. How could she do this to him? He ignored her, threw her a hateful look and ran out. The next day at school one of his classmates said, ‘EEEE, your mom only has one eye!’

He wanted to bury myself. He also wanted his mom to just disappear. He confronted her that day and said, ‘ If you’re only gonna make me a laughing stock, why don’t you just die?’ Mom did not respond… he didn’t stop to think for a second about what he had said, because he was full of anger, oblivious to her feelings.

He wanted out of that house, and have nothing to do with her. So he studied real hard, got a chance to go abroad to study. He then got married and bought a house. He had kids and was happy with his life. Then one day, his Mother came to visit. She hadn’t seen him in years and had never meet her grandchildren or his wife.

When she stood by the door, my children laughed at her, and I yelled at her for coming over uninvited. He screamed at her, ‘How dare you come to my house and scare my children!’ GET OUT OF HERE! NOW!’ And to this, his mother quietly answered, ‘Oh, I’m so sorry. I may have gotten the wrong address,’ and she disappeared out of sight. One day, a letter regarding a school reunion came to my house. So I lied to my wife that I was going on a business trip. After the reunion, I went to the old shack just out of curiosity. My neighbors said that she died. I did not shed a single tear. They handed me a letter that she had wanted me to have.

“My dearest son,

I think of you all the time. I’m sorry that I came to your house and scared your children. I was so glad when I heard you were coming for the reunion. But I may not be able to even get out of bed to see you. I’m sorry that I was a constant embarrassment to you when you were growing up. You see……..when you were very little, you got into an accident, and lost your eye. As a mother, I couldn’t stand watching you having to grow up with one eye. So I gave you mine. I was so proud of my son who was seeing a whole new world for me, in my place, with that eye.

With all my love to you,

Your mother.”

I understand that not every single person enjoys a supportive, healthy, loving, nurturing, positive relationship with members of their family, and sometimes some have struggle, so hard, to maintain any type of relationship and/or contact. The message I share today is that you can choose to accept you family as they are or not. Some people have created a “chosen family”, which for some has replaced their given family or is in addition to their given family. Whatever your choice, be at peace with it, embrace it and give yourself permission to live and get on with your life.

We know that up to 70% of the population in America does not attend worship on a regular basis. Who can individuals, couples and families turn to when they need care & services traditionally found by a place of worship? US! We are Inclusive Life, and we serve all without exception. Wedding Officiant’s-Premarital & Couples Coaching-Funeral Ministers-Pastoral Care.

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